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Self Esteem

Self esteem is the term used in psychology to reflect a person’s overall evaluation or appraisal of his or hers own self worth. Your self esteem determines the level of your self confidence. Having high self esteem helps you to function at your highest potential and live your life to the fullest. Most people are surrounded with people pointing out their flaws, more than appreciating them for their strengths. This causes their self esteem to take a nose dive if they do not have a high value of themselves.

The best way of improving ones own self esteem is to find it from within, as relying on outside sources can be unreliable at best. If you are waiting for confirmation of what a good person you are, or how good you are at your job for example; then you may be waiting for an indefinite period or time, and if you don’t get that affirmation, then your self esteem in those areas will stay at a low level.

The label ‘self esteem’ gives you a clue as to who is responsible for having it or not as the case may be. We are consistently comparing ourselves to others, and these comparisons can either raise or lower our self esteem. Because self esteem comes from within ourselves, we either raise or lower our self esteem by our own self talk (the inner voice). If we are talking negatively to ourselves by saying or thinking things like “I couldn’t do that, I’m not strong enough” or “I wish I could be more like him, everyone likes him” then it is more than likely that we will feel pretty bad about ourselves, and our self esteem and confidence will be quite unstable. However, if we said more positive things like “I am really good at my job, I know I am and I know that the company would miss my work terribly if I wasn’t here” Then the chances are that our self esteem and confidence would be quite high and there would be no need for an outside source to confirm it (although that is always nice) because you know it yourself already.

This sounds easy, to change self talk, but sometimes people have talked themselves down for so long that it is all they know. They have hard wired themselves to do that in an instant. That is not to say that it cannot be undone.

In NLP we use what is known as reframing, which basically means that we change the way you view things. For example, if someone said “I cant stand up for myself, I’m too weak” It means they see themselves in a certain way which has a negative implication to them. If we responded to that with “So you don’t rant and rave at the drop of a hat, you would rather take time and care to think about an appropriate answer first before replying says to me that you are a thoughtful, intelligent person” This will make them see themselves in a different light with a more positive spin on it, therefore reducing any negative feelings that could lower their self esteem.

Psychologists often say: “It’s not that you get rid of your problems, you evolve into a person who the problem doesn’t matter to.” This implies that overcoming a problem is simply a case of changing the way in which you think about that problem, or seeing yourself in a more resourceful way.
NLP techniques can be very effective in this area by changing the thinking process at an unconscious level. When a person believes they can be and do more, they tend to feel better about themselves and therefore, have a better experience in life. Hypnotherapy can also be useful to help with a more positive self talk and confidence.

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